Frustration!

Frustration has set in. I'm frustrated that I can't take care of the house, I can't do things with Jake, frustrated with the process, frustrated that "this" is controlling my life, and on and on and on......

I am reading Joyce Meyer's Devotional on You Version and today's devotional was on...dum, dum, dum, dum, duuuuuuummmmmm........"Frustration". According to Joyce, when you allow yourself to get frustrated, you are not fully relying on God. Frustration hits when we stop depending on Him and try to make something happen our own way.

Hmmm, ya think? So, it kinda all goes back to one of my original prayers..."make me weak so that You can be strong". So today, when Jake isn't listening and giving me a hard time getting ready for school, I shall be weak. I will stop, pause, pray, and let God deal with him..if God chooses to use me in that process of dealing with him, well, then, I will do my part. That is just one of my major frustrations of each and every day when I am reminded that I am not 100% and there are things that I just can't do. It's very hard watching your 6 year old wanting to run and play and you can't. We will get through this, that I am sure of. I just need to figure out ways that I can both rest and he can play. I need to really make sure that I use the time that he is at school to really rest so that I am refreshed when he gets home from school. Maybe I will check out open gym at the Y and let him play basketball over there for a while after school next week. Next week will be my best week physically.

So, today is a day of not getting frustrated. I will not allow frustration to take over but use it as a gentle reminder that I need God in ALL things, even getting a a 6 year old dressed for school.

Weird cravings...

I want macaroni salad...amish macaroni salad...and KFC. It is crazy how one minute you don't want to eat and the next you are starving amd it is for something specific. So far so good this round. Not near the amount of pain, which i am so thankful for! stay tuned for more updates....and watching the Food Network isn't helping.

Second treatment, sigh

Well, the 2nd treatment went well until the herceptin. I started to have a reaction at the port site and they had to stop it, just until the reaction got under control. They intervened quickly as my blood pressurevwas through the roof. They gave me benadryl, ativan (for the increasing anxiety due to the reaction and the nausea that was starting to set in), and a blood pressure med. All seemed to have worked. The bone pain started there as well and they let me take a pain pill and they gave me some hot compresses as well. All of that seemed to work. Feeling a bit achey this morning and a bit nauseous even with the patch, so I took the right nausea pill, lol.

Off to get my first neulasta shot shortly

Second Treatment in the Morning

Big Sigh.....So many things are running through my head and heart. Is this next treatment going to try and kill me again?? (at least, that is the way it felt to me) Will it be smooth sailing? Will all the new meds work???

I'm getting my head shaved in the morning before treatment. I told her no mirrors and I am allowed to cry. I am going to have Doug take some pics for when I am ready. I want to document this process and this journey, not necessarily for me, but for others as well.

I hope to post again tomorrow during my treatment.....until then....I shall focus on the positives, focus on what I know and not what I "feel".

Goodnight, all!!!! Joy comes in the morning!!