Wow, it's been a very long time since I updated this blog!!!
So, yesterday, I was asked to share by cancer story for another blog and figured I would just write it up here as well!! Here goes....
It was the beginning of October and we all know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. A friend had posted a link to the local awareness center. I clicked on it and was looking at the signs and symptoms of breast cancer. That click saved my life. Little did I know that a sign I had noticed months ago was actually a sign and symptom of cancer!!! I immediately made an appointment and got in that week. I went for a mammogram and ultrasound, both of which showed "very concerning" areas. I was able to get in for a biopsy the following Wednesday and on Friday, October 14th, I had my answer. Yes, it is cancer. I cried, I prayed, cried some more, prayed some more and then decided that I needed to face this head on.
From there, it seems like a whirlwind of events...more testing, more appointments, more decisions, more fears. After an MRI showed a "suspicious" fleck on the other side and Dr's wanting to do another biopsy, I decided just to do a double mastectomy and forego another biopsy and delay things even more. The scariest part of everything at this point was not knowing if the cancer had spread. When the lymph node biopsy came back clear, I remember just crying tears of joy...in the middle of a parking lot. It was also on this day that I found out that my cancer was HER-2/Neu positive. This is a fast growing and aggressive cancer. There is a new treatment that you may have heard about, Herceptin. This is a game changer. It cuts your recurrence rate in half!!! But, this also meant that I would need chemo.
In November, I underwent my surgery. I spent the next 4 weeks recovering and dreading the next step...chemo. No one can prepare you for what chemo will do to you. Of course, I didn't want to lose my hair. To everyone on the outside, I didn't "look" sick....and I knew chemo would make me "look" sick. December 14th was "C" day...my first infusion. I was one of the unlucky ones to have every bad side effect from chemo possible. I worked with my Dr's and we had a better plan for the next treatment. I really didn't want to do any more chemo after that first treatment, but I knew that I had to....for my little boy!!!
The rest of chemo treatments went as scheduled and even though I had days where I was very sick, I got through it. It's funny...I don't really remember those days. What I do remember, is all of the love and support I got from family and friends. I had many moms come to my rescue when I was too sick to take care of Jake and they would have him over for the afternoon. I am so grateful and blessed beyond measure for the people in my life. So many people stepped up and helped us out in so many ways...between child care for Jake, meals, phone calls, cards, and visits....they made this road so much easier to travel. As a mom, knowing that you are too sick to care for your own child devastating. I am so blessed to have friends that took him in and gave him a day filled with fun and games!!!
Now that I am on the other side of treatment (other than the herceptin)...life is back to normal...except for that fear that looms over your head...will my cancer come back?? At my first appointment with my Oncologist after surgery and the pathology reports were all back, I was given a 90% chance that I will still be here in 20 years. Those are very good odds. Every day, and I do mean every day, I have a choice of how I will live that day. Will I live it in the 10% or the 90%??? Will I trust and believe that I have been healed??? There are days that the fear is all consuming. I know this is a normal part of this journey...but I also know I need to quickly get off of that path. This I do know...Fear is like a prison cell....it will keep you locked up inside until the only thing that feels comfortable to you are those 4 walls. There is so much more to life than what those 4 walls can hold and I'm going to go out and live it!!! Cancer, in some ways, has set me free. The one thing that could take my life has actually set me free to live my life....free from all of things that has held me back in the past.
I am looking forward to all that life has in store for me!!! I hope that I am able to give back what has been so freely and graciously given to me. I'm not sure what all God has planned for my life....but He said He has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me....He said that ALL things work for good....He said....My strength is made perfect in your weakness....He said....through all that I have been through, I will receive my deliverance! Sometimes, it is through our pain, our fears, and our trials that we learn to live...we learn to fly...we learn to have the abundant life. So, for that, I am thankful for my cancer journey...as scary and as terrible as it is...I can say, I am grateful.
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